The moment the wheels lifted off the runway in Manila, I felt my chest tighten. I watched the city lights blur below us, and for a second, it was like watching everything I’ve known drift away. I had tears in my eyes — not out of regret, but from the sheer weight of what this moment means.
This isn’t just a flight. It’s a crossing. A turning point. A portal to a new life.
Inside the plane, the world was muted — a hush of white noise and dim lighting. I pulled on my gray hoodie and tucked my feet into soft socks, wrapping myself in the thin airplane blanket like it was armor. Somewhere around takeoff I had opened my journal and tried to write, but the words came slower than usual. So much was swelling in my chest, it was hard to shape into sentences.
My seatmate was quiet, lost in a movie. Flight attendants moved up and down the aisles with trays and tea, while outside, the Pacific stretched beneath us like a black, endless blanket. I glanced out the window and felt how small I was — and somehow, that was comforting.
The layover in Taipei had gone by quickly — a blur of gate changes and noodle shops. I snapped a few photos but didn’t post anything. I just needed to be in it. Then came the long leg: Taipei to Seattle. Ten hours in the air with nothing but time and the occasional turbulence.
I thought of Sagay. Of the ferry crossing. Of the face I’ll soon see in Oklahoma — someone who’s never asked me to pretend, someone who sees the version of me that even I’m still getting to know. That hope kept me steady, even when the sadness surged again.
But the sadness is okay. It means I lived. It means I loved, even if it didn’t last.
Tonight, I’m 35,000 feet above everything I used to be. I don’t know exactly who I’ll become, but I know this: I chose this. I fought for this. I’m flying toward possibility, not running from pain.
I took a quick selfie before drifting off to sleep — puffy eyes, but a real smile. Honest, and a little tired. But content. Even joyful.
I’ve got a few hours left in the air, and then I’ll touch down in America for the first time in my life.
And when I do, I’ll take my first breath of a new beginning.
